With all your heart....

"Lord, You know that sometimes I'm filled with doubts. But even then, I commit myself to to You. I'm trusting You to handle everything that happens to me. Amen."

It's scary to trust with all your heart. Even If it is an Everlasting God, Even if you know everything will turn out okay in the long run. It's hard to believe in what you cant see. But I think I came to a point in my life where doing wrong was wearing me out, trying to make things "right" on my own is draining! It's truly a surrender. I give all my life. Put in His hands, & He holds me know. I shall not fear. I shall not worry. For everything is taken care of. Paths are being cleared and I will not be hurt again. Sure I've never been a trusting person, but I cant live my life being a victim. I trust that I have been renewed. Im giving Him all I am, Trusting with all my heart<3.

"Blessed is the man that makes the Lord his Trust" Psalm 40:4

New Eyes - New Heart

So I was at youth camp for a week. & not one word can sum up how magical it was! Sure, we had some fun in the sun. But the word that was shared was incredible, the way the Lord manifested himself through the youth was amazing.

I went to my first encounter about 2 years I would say, I was saved and loved it. Even then, I never stood firm in my faith. I was just a bouncing ball back and forth. I went through a lot this past year, being my senior year. I also felt furthest from God than I had ever been. My family which had fallen apart since before began to become more dysfunctional, trying to find a way out - I turned to drugs and alcohol. Partying had become an every weekend thing, and sadly the only thing i looked forward to at the end of the week. I began to turn cold never showing feelings. As the school year came to an end, I still had no idea what to do for school. I was lost & confused. I came to stay with my sister in Bradenton. Began attending church, yet still something was missing. She invited me to camp, and I accepted.

Before leaving, I prayed for God to change me within that week. To not let me leave an unchanged person. I asked Him where He was when I needed him most.

The first couple of days were great. The Holy Spirit was present and touching us all. Then we had Prophet Ben come in and I kept asking God why he hadn't used him to speak to me. I needed to hear something before I left this camp! Friday came around and I realized it was the last day and it was my time. Sure I had been giving my all the days before, but He wanted more! I gave myself completely, I started trembling from my core and it shoke my whole body. The feeling was incredible. As I was praying I began to see clouds above the youth, above me. It was beautiful, the light blinding. I had someone come and minister to me, leaving me astonished at how the lord had used this women to speak to me. The tears were unstoppable, He told me how beautiful I was and that my self-esteem had to be worked on. That many times I had asked where he was, and was in the same place i had left him. He was waiting for me to come back to him, he knew the timing, and the timing is now. He had been waiting, because hes ready to use me. My age doesn't matter, he will place what he needs from me in my heart. My dreams are renewed in him. He will take me to the places he needs me. He told me a lot of people wouldn't understand me, but thats okay, because He does! The Lord has all control, and I have nothing to worry about. The path has been cleared, all I have to do is walk it. New doors will be open. I listened, cried, and gave thanks & he read to me Psalm 27:10 "

‎"Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me." I couldnt control the tears, He told me while I was standing there worshiping, He was already working in the lives of my mom and dad.

Im still in shock at just how powerful His words are. Im ready to work for an Almighty God. To live like the Princess I was born to be. A new life, A new heart, new eyes.

Im ready to get my life situated, & the devil hates it :)!!!!

God Bless<3

it's too late to make it right.

Excuse me, while my brain throws up a little.

You ever forgiven someone & then they do it again. & there you go right back to forgive them. & they do it again.

I mean I've been taught to forgive because I was forgiven for my mistakes!

But when the person constantly does you wrong & hurts you. It's like they do it because they know they can get away with it. But when does it become too much. Just how many chances can a heart give out....

& when this person just so happens to be the person your supposed to be looking up to....

One of those people you need most, always letting you down. time. after. time.

It gets old.

& then it seems like maybe they dont need you. Like you werent enough to make them change. I wasnt enough to keep you home, wasnt enough to make you wanna call, wasnt enough for a simple I love you.

I question your ways every day. I ask God to let me help you. To use me to come through to you.

But I cant because when I see your face, I break, all over again.

Just like when I was younger. Like when you told me I wasnt good enough & I broke.

The day you gave me the coldest hug & I broke.

breaking me piece by little piece.

But then it clicks in how can I expect so much from someone who has never been there.

How can I miss my old dad..........when you never changed.

Cold & Heartless.

For years I tell people how I forgive you. I tell myself. I tell God.

& im getting really tired dad, when are you gonna come through?

I need you more than ever and you take no notice. I seek approval from you & never get it.

What does she have that we couldnt offer at home?