Happy Place [:

Where is your happy place?
So after time of thinking about it, mine is the water - swimming. (besides eating cookies & ice cream)
I dont care if it's a beach, pool, or river. Something about swimming really makes me feel alive.
Maybe it's the fact that I've been doing it since I was about 5 or 6, when we moved into the big house I taught myself & havent stopped since.
The way im able to think while swimming, release the stress or let go of the anger, I love it.
It's the way the water carries you, the effortless grace under water.
I also love the memories it carries. Sometimes it's the only place I can remember my dad being loving, the way he took time out of his "busy" schedule to swim a couple laps with me. Sometimes I wonder if he ever take the time now to just swim, and if he does if he thinks of me. How proud he used to be when I could hold my breath the whole distance of the pool. The way we used to race, and after a couple years I could finally beat him at it. It's like everything else didnt matter at that moment, just me & him and all the problems didnt matter at that moment.
Swimming takes me back to the childhood I sometimes crave, I love it <3.
(: Where is your happy place?

He's figting for me!

I was reading a book when I took a break to facebook. While reading all my friends worldly statuses, I got sad. I realized how different my life had spun out. How in a couple short months I was able to change everything about me, all the things I had sworn made me - let go. & I know your wondering, well why is this sad? Its not. But I thought about my parents, how my mom left to Texas, and how my relationship with my dad was a failure (which I pray for daily!)
I thought about how much I liked being by myself, I enjoy my own company & how fragile I become around people, even family. I wondered if I would ever build a relationship with my parents & it came clear to me that if they couldnt support what my life was becoming I would need to stop searching for their approval & let God work in them.

I came across Exodus 14: 13,14 "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

The growing fight withen me, He's allready taken care of it. I simply need to be still & let Him fight for me. All things are gonna work out. The problems I seen today, the obstacles I tried to get through, I wont ever see them again! The Lord will fight for ME<3. I dont have to worry about winning or losing, getting hurt, HE is fighting for ME!

Dustin (:

RIP Langfang. May better hands be holding you now. Every once in a while you come across people who will never leave your heart. I thank God for your story, that of a fighter.

You touched many lives, so inspirational! & when I start to feel weak, I remember you and just cant give up. Our shining Angel, Our classmate who was there for the laughs and smiles. May your precious presence shine down on us forever long. We love you & will forever miss you!

Thanks for teaching me how to really be a fighter. <3

Break my heart for the things that break Yours.

".....your love is a gift to the world. Let your love radiate out to all you meet. Let your love touch the hearts of people you don't even know. Let your love reach to the far corners of the earth. Love is what is saving the world"

Love changes everything, a helping hand, a hug, or simply a listening ear. Sometimes we fail to reach out to people because we are scared that they will turn us down or simply not listen. But honestly, I know few people who would turn down an act of kindness. I can say the God is really healing my heart. I remember being so careless, cold, and sometimes even mean. Im really opening up to love, His love. Sharing an act of kindness makes me so happy. Reach out to someone you know needs a hug or a word of encouragement, make someone smile & set a smile on your own face! (:

Bliss

It's that state of bliss you think your dreaming.
Im really excited for the plans He has for me.
REALLY REALLY happy right now (:
I love this feeling. & I just need to remember to never get tired of praying for something/someone.
Just when you feel like He isn't listening, He proves you wrong!
Everything happens at the right timing - God's timing.

Mom

So she just called me and asked what my final decision was....
Texas or not.
A part of me feel as though it would be a horrible idea. I think i've reached a point of stability with God that I wouldn't follow up with if i moved. So she said she was leaving next week. A part of me is happy for her, she wants something more out of life, and all her family is over there. It's just different, not exactly how I pictured things happening.
Nothing I can do though.... A new beginning.
I love my mom with all my heart, and God will be with her no matter how far she is from me.

Changes

Funny how much can change after high school.
All the promises in your yearbook to keep in touch, every "this isn't the end of our friendship, its just the beginning", Every "promise ill be here forever".
You walk across the stage and everything is broken. Each one chooses a different path & sometimes the paths won't ever intersect again. You lose contact & the friendship accumulated over the years is gone. Thats when you realize how different you really were from each other.

No actually, I didn't die! I left the town behind - I cut the ties to people that could only hold me back. I developed a better relationship with God. I want better for myself and if that means leaving things behind, thats what I had to do. The people who cared enough to stay in my life, found a way to reach me.
I got tired of chasing friendships and trying to make people happy, when in reality it brought me down.

Sure I wish that the friendship could have been better. That those days eating pizza rolls in your living room wouldn't have ended. That I would have came around more after you had your baby. But things changed, & it was unstoppable. We chose different lifestyles. So I tried. But after that, all I can say is God Bless You. May you always be happy and may you find something in life, worth living for. I'm always gonna be around if you need me, and you will never leave my prayers. but there is only so much I can do.....