Caught out in the rain

So you know when you get that sudden burst of inspiration to write, then you go tour blog: & all inspiration disappears. Yeah, that just happened. Ill write anyways. :)

Im out of town & love it.

Ill be back soon tho :/ Rawrr.

I love being with my sister, shes one of the few people who can actually make me truly happy nowadays. Its been raining everyday this summer. I like it tho. I like the beauty of rainn.

Eclipse came out today. I must say my Twilight Saga addiction really has died down. Im not in a hurry to go watch it. Well thats it around here :)

God Bless<3.

Failure is knocking on her door

Im really scared right now.
Scared that if I dont get out of this town in time it will swallow me whole.
I couldn't live with myself if I got stuck here.
I need a little inspiration.
God, don't let me down. You above all know how my heart is aching for change. Please help me succeed. I need you now more than ever.

:(

But if it's failure I hear knockin' - I refuse to answer.
Im not home!

I was always stronger

I hate being asked if I miss you, I lie EVERY time. It's been too long since you were in my life & I know moving on is a must. I knew this since day one. & trust me, my mind has been convinced for a while that Im over you. Im a smart girl. People dont make it in my life, than I can't do anything about it. Im sure for some reason you weren't supposed to be here right now, not with me, and obviously not even my friend. I can't deny the change you brought and Ill always thank you. I really hope that one day you can find in in your heart to forgive me, because I didnt mean to cause the pain I did. Yeah, days I remember certain things & I can't hep but smile. When people bring up your name, I remember it all. & some nights, I've never felt colder, so I cry - because the warmth of your arms is what I crave. When I wake up though, it's like I know better & get through my day like nothing, without pain. I wonder if you ever think of me though, I wouldn't want you too. I wouldn't want you to feel the awfulness of every promise we broke. Ill just leave that pain to me. After all I was stronger. They tell me your happy, and I hope they don't lie. You deserve all the happiness you can get your hands on. Even if it is her - not me. & all I hear is that im too beautiful to be sad, and single. Im not sad though! just a bit bitter, angry - at myself more than anything. & as for being beautiful and single, I have yet to meet a man that I don't see as more than just a one night thing. I haven't meet a person that can make my heart stop and give me butterflies. I can't see my future in any ones eyes. It scares me that I let something that mattered so much to me go. Never really been a fighter for what I wanted, in this case what I needed. But im a smart girl - & maybe not today, or tomorrow, or even next week - but ill move on. I might be alone for a while, but it's nothing new. I was always stronger.......

It's all fun, until we lose our phones....

So we went to sombreros on Saturday, Even though it's 21 to get it, I was in there. Lol. We were having a great time dancing, drinking, and checking out guys. I had a "tie me to the bedpost" which has to be the most amazing thing in my life. Fast forwarding - While leaving K loses her phone and makes a huge deal about it. When we get home K & I go to my friends house and leave like around 6. When waking up at home the first thing I need to know is where my phone is.....sure enough - I lost it! im pretty sure it's at my friend house but I have no way of getting a hold of him. This sucks, im disconnected from the world :(. Hopefully I will get it soon, or get a new one. But my mom & dad have been on the worse of terms. & I couldn't call him on fathers day cause I obviously didn't have my phone. So im sure he's out of this world upset. So breaking things down, I've had a rough weekend & im not happy.

If given a chance to change the past....

"they are kids, they are dumb, all they know is they are
innocent, they would never hurt anybody.
I want to go up to them and say Stop,
don't do it--she's the wrong woman,
he's the wrong man, you are going to do things
you cannot imagine you would ever do,
you are going to do bad things to children,
you are going to suffer in ways you never heard of"
- I Go Back To May 1937

I came across this poem a day or so ago
& it really got me thinking.
It's really touching, especially since I live within a dysfunctional family.
Would I go up to my mom and tell her just how much pain she would have to endure?
Tell my dad that she is not the right women for him, and never will be.
But then I realized I would not be here, and I guess that's kind of a big deal, huh? Everyone has to go through their mistakes and find their way out. I thank God for my parents and every mistake they made. I've watched and learned to never follow their footsteps, better yet, anyone's footsteps.....& It comes down to it - I would not change a thing<3